This is a true story 🙊
In Fall 2016, I came out as a lesbian, thinking I was a woman who loves women.
Imagine my surprise when, a few months later, I woke up and didn’t feel like a woman anymore.
Honestly, I felt absolutely terrified.
I had just come into this big part of my identity — being an empowered lesbian woman — and I didn’t want to lose that.
What would it mean if I weren’t actually a woman?
Could I still be a lesbian?
Would I have to give up the sense of self I had worked to construct?
So many questions were swirling through my head, and I felt so overwhelmed and unprepared to deal with them.
As a result, I pushed my questioning thoughts deeeeep deep down.
I didn’t tell anyone what I was feeling, and I continued living in the world as a lesbian “woman.”
But this took a toll on me, as any form of inauthenticity does.
(I’ve come to realize, through therapy, that some of my biggest sources of pain and struggle come from not being my true self)
And about three years after my gender questioning first began, I decided to do some research and try to figure out what was going on.
I vividly remember typing into google “what is my gender if I feel like a woman sometimes, but not all the time?”
That search didn’t get me too far, but it *did* lead me to social media, where I started following LGBTQ+ creators sharing about queer and trans identities.
These creators introduced me to the word genderfluid, and made me realize that I could still be a lesbian, even if I’m not fully a woman.
Suddenly, my fear of figuring out my gender completely slipped away — and my identity made *so* much sense!
This is part of the reason why I share educational queer content here on social media — to help the people like me who are struggling with figuring themselves out.
Social media can be a challenging, hateful place, but it also has the potential to bring so much good to the world.
And I am thankful every day that I was able to use these platforms to figure out my gender identity and live as my truest, most authentic self ❤️
💬 Have you ever questioned your gender, or any part of your identity? Did this questioning scare you like it scared me? 💬